okay so guess what happened today. i fall asleep at 10pm and i wake up at the asscrack of dawn 3 in the morning and im like huh. thats so peculiar that this keeps on happening because i SWEAR on EVERYBODYS SOUL that theres no reason for my sleep schedule to be like this. anyways, asides from that, i also almost fell asleep during my math unit test this morning so thats great. it was really boring though because i had everything finished so i guess me being tired while sitting next to a warm window at 9 in the morning is valid.

i keep falling asleep around 8~10pm and then waking up at 1~3am.. not ideal buuuut i can live with it. its not the worst thing in the world but my bed is basically a sleep trap because the moment im in i get immediately knocked out by an unknown entity (the sleepism).

this morning i woke up at about 3:34am. i laid in bed until like.. 4ish, until my stomach began to hurt really badly and i went downstairs to the bathroom. lets just say i have a weak stomach in the early morning and i was in the bathroom for 25mins. horrible. i grabbed some food as well before going back to my room.

i sorta just sat and drew stuff for 30mins until it was 5am.. and then i realized "oh hey, 6am is when duos opens. i love duo hunters and i love idv and also bane and fredericks birthday campaigns rerun today so let me finally complete the quests!" (i didn't finish and collect the rewards for their birthday quests on the day of their birthdays.. i fell asleep early. who couldve guessed.), so i opened up idv and began practicing playing frederick because i could never understand how his gimmick worked.. like yes i get that its a rhythm game but when do i get to turn on the auto function?! i cant believe i have to be Locked In for this ITS FUN THOUGH dont get me wrong.. i just have trouble multitasking because i like being hyperaware of where the hunter and other survivors are 24/7.. which is one of the reasons why i love playing and maining faro lady!

evelyns cipher siphoning skill lets me view where all the ciphers are and their progress at any given moment so that plus the occassional hunter and survivor silhouettes are sooo useful its crazy. you know, technically she isnt really a decoder, only in name (along with her immediately boosting an untouched cipher to 10%). shes still very fun to play though and i love evelyn mora soooo so much. i wish she didnt have super bad rep because of Those people who play her.. persona faro ladies do NOT come into my matches im so serious. each time i have one in duos theyre always stealing progress at 7 ciphers, getting terrorshocked, trying to rescue when its not needed.. dude please. please stop i cant take it. why are you stealing progress from the cipher that IM SENDING PROGRESS TOO? THIS IS ACTUALLY DIABOLICAL. KNOW YOUR PLACE GIRL IM TRYING TO SPEED THINGS UP!

i think i got super off track but moral of the story: get enough sleep so that you dont have to wake up at the asscrack of dawn every single day.

kevin is a man whose life is riddled with guilt, loss, and regret. he has done things which he deems to be terrible, but ben isnt one to judge ones past. hes someone who empathizes with kevin, and is able to see his more vulnerable side rather than heroic persona he upkeeps; the side that is weary and burdened.

ben becomes a place of solace for kevin, helping to remind him that he is more than someone who constantly needs to play hero- that he has his himself that he should put just as much care into as well.

ben isnt one to convey his feelings through sweet romantic words unlike the cowboy who seems to compliment everyone in his path, but his actions- looking out for the other, allowing him to see his own weaknesses- show the depth of his emotions towards him. its clear to kevin that ben cares for him a lot, just as he does for him, whether this care comes from a romantic or platonic place.

there is no promises of a future together for the two of them with how unpredictable and dangerous the manor games are. however, despite all of that, they choose to stay closeby one another. their love is about the comfort of having someone to share the burden of life with.